I know I’ve been away for a while; it never ceases to surprise me how life can run away from you. Before I knew it, I left my poor blog behind. Frankly, I haven’t had much to say, which has made the motivation even harder.
However, I have been busy. As the U.K. slowly (very slowly) come out of federal restrictions and life begins to feel social again, I’ve been trying to enjoy as much social time as possible. Combine this with my constant need to say yes to everything and follow through on it; it’s safe to say I’ve been a little busy.
This leads me to today’s topic, how saying ‘yes to everything can become toxic. I’ve always been a ‘yes’ person. It was something I took seriously; I wouldn’t then bail at the last minute or change my plans; if I had to cancel, I would re-arrange another date there and then. I think this comes from my personal experience of arranging something to have everyone involved flake suddenly and disappear from contact on the day of the event. I vowed to never do that, so once I have plans, I’m committing to them.
With that in mind, the past few weeks have been busy; last week, I had planned every night of the week, not even able to rest at the weekend before the new week began. I enjoy it though, it’s a distraction; it feels nice to be out with friends or go to public places again after so long. I didn’t want to waste a night indoors as (like nearly everyone) I’ve spent my fair share of time inside over the past year! However, I found that if I faced an evening without any plans, I felt lost and a little lonely. I would reach out to my friends in the desperate chance that they would be free and we could do something. Then feel upset if they already had plans (completely valid due to me contacting last minute). I would also silently berate friends who actively chose to stay in during a lovely evening to re-charge, as that wasn’t something I would consider doing.
The one day I had free without plans, I was so restless the whole day, I drove an hour out of the way to go to a beach on my own. Just for a change of scenery. I became addicted to having plans; I couldn’t be alone or ‘waste’ an evening inside without feeling guilty.
I have this panic for making up for a lost time. So the constant ‘yes’ because a lifeline, when they weren’t coming in, I was trying to make them happen. Oddly enough, this week has been a slow one for me and because of that a bit of a struggle. Nonetheless, I’m learning to break away from the incessant need to be doing something all the time, purely because I need to be aware of my own health and wellbeing.
saharamelts 